Practical Tips for Partners
*This list is geared towards families planning for a vaginal birth. Check back for future posts covering support of the planned and unplanned cesarean, as well as tips for nurturing the postpartum mother.*
If you’ve never given birth before (and even if you have), the role of supporting a loved one through the process may feel quite intimidating. This is understandable!
Let’s dive into some tips and techniques to make you the best possible birth partner.
Before Labor
Take a childbirth preparation class together. Understanding the basics of birth and communication tools in a hospital setting will boost your confidence. Get to know the “language of birth” and the various ways you can be an advocate for the birthing mother’s preferences.
As possible, attend some (or all) midwifery or OB visits. Be another set of ears, slow down conversation, and start the practice of advocating for her needs.
Keep a notepad close by so you can jot down questions that you or your partner come up with through the course of the day. Do some research, talk with a care provider, or bring your questions to a childbirth preparation class.
Starting at 38 weeks gestation, rub her feet every day. Consider this information about acupressure points to encourage labor from a Licensed Acupuncturist.
Every week, give your pregnant loved one a full body massage. Set the lights in the room low, warm up blankets, add lavender essential oils, and work with the mother so she can find her deepest place of relaxation. Consider these tips.
Practice a variety of labor and birth positions together in advance. Get to know what she likes and where she finds comfort. Get familiar with different breathing techniques and review them with mom frequently.
If the mother is giving birth outside of her home, take a tour of her birthing facility in advance. Find out where to park, how to get to the birthing space, and talk to the staff.
Create a pain management plan together. This “Pain Management Preference Scale” will help guide a conversation.
Pack your bags in advance. There are plenty of lists out there for what to take to the hospital for Moms (here is one), but you need to be prepared and comfortable as well! Bring your own toiletries, multiple changes of clothes (you may not be home for several days), gum, mouthwash, and easy-to-eat snacks (think bars, trail mix, jerky, and quick-bite energy balls), a water bottle, a book to read or other form of entertainment if things slow down.
Prepare your vehicle for the big day. Throw in a blanket, a towel for her to sit on (if water is broken or breaks on the way to the birthing facility), bottled water, and a receptacle for her to vomit in if it becomes necessary. If you want to also prepare for an unplanned car birth, consider packing a bulb syringe, a baby hat, and extra towels to dry the baby off. This quick video offers insight into how to manage a surprise birth.
The Big Day (Labor)!
If labor starts slowly and mom has decided to stay home until things pick-up, encourage rest and nourishment. Run a bath or warm shower, cozy up a quiet space, and pillow her up as she lays on her side while you give a gentle head or body massage.
Help the birthing mother to stay well hydrated throughout her labor by offering her sips of “Labor Aid” (a great recipe here), or another electrolyte drink. Ideally you should have this made or purchased in advance. She should be drinking about a cup an hour.\
Be sure to get her up to go to the bathroom at least once an hour. This job of “Pee Patrol” will help to keep her bladder empty and support comfort for her as labor progresses.
You are the guardian of the birth space. Be sure anyone who enters the room is on the same wavelength as the person giving birth. Keep lights low, voices quiet, and be respectful of her involvement in conversations. If a staff member is talking to you during her contractions, stop the conversation and tend to the mother. Return together to the conversation when mom can participate. If mom is not feeling connected to her nurse, you can talk to the Charge Nurse, and ask for a switch-up of the hospital care team.
Make a container of cool ice water and washcloths. Use the cool cloths to wipe her head and lay across the back of her neck.
Lead her in her breathing. You may have to guide her if she is holding her breath, screaming, or feeling anxious. You can say, “Open your eyes and look at me. Now follow my breath and we'll breathe together. Let go in all the places you feel my touch.” Gently touch her brow, jaw, shoulders, and stroke arms and legs. Maintain eye contact so she can ground into your presence.
If she chooses an epidural, help her stay focused and relaxed during the procedure by holding her hand and allowing her to lean into your chest. This will provide stability and reassurance.
Help her move from side to side after an epidural, changing about every hour and a half or so. This will help encourage the baby’s movement through the pelvis.
When pushing begins, help her find a variety of positions that increase the pelvic opening and baby’s descent. Consider the positions offered here for moms with (or without!) an epidural.
If you have decided to do delayed cord clamping (lots of information here at the top of the page), be sure to remind the staff of your desires close to the time of birth.
If you are taking the placenta out of the birth facility, be sure that it is in a container labeled with the birthing person’s name and kept refrigerated or in a cooler with ice.
Enjoy the moments. Consider jotting down quick notes and your feelings as labor progresses. This will be a gift you can share together at some future time.
You may be able to catch the baby. If this is of interest to you, talk with the care providers well in advance to understand their policies. Check out this couple working together beautifully, with Dad jumping in the tub to catch their baby.
