How Horses Help Us Connect to Ourselves And Why That’s Important for Perinatal Mental Health
It all starts with connection. The sperm meets the egg…connection. Baby grows in utero, receiving nutrients via the umbilical cord…connection. Relationships in general build from a series of connections, both big and small. The dictionary defines connection as “a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.” But what about connection to ourselves? What does that mean? And why is it important especially prenatally and postnatally?
To answer those questions, I think it is helpful to first understand and explore dissociation. Dissociation is something that we all do; it’s not inherently bad, but the degree to which one dissociates can be a problem. Dissociation is a disconnect from one’s thoughts, feelings, body sensations, awareness, and even memories. Daydreaming is a rather benign form of dissociation that I’m sure we have all participated in. Dissociation is also something humans (and even horses!) do in order to cope with stress (or boredom). We pull ourselves out of the present and try to self-preserve. This is an incredibly helpful and adaptive strategy… for a time. It becomes maladaptive when we overuse this strategy and we are no longer living in the present and are unable to be in touch with ourselves and those around us.
When we think of all the stress and difficulty that occurs during pregnancy through the first year postpartum (known as the perinatal time frame), the idea of escape can be an alluring strategy (again, think of dissociation as occurring on a spectrum). There are so many changes unfolding and new obstacles presented: the mother’s body is undergoing tremendous amounts of change daily, relationship dynamics and roles are being reorganized, added financial stressors, childcare (amiright?!), fluctuating hormones, and sleep deprivation. Sounds fun, right? I’m not trying to sound like a downer because the perinatal period can be a really beautiful, sacred, and exciting time for parents. However, like most things in life, it’s a mixed bag of highs and lows. And here’s the thing: when we avoid the hard or painful parts, we also miss out and are blocked from experiencing the joy.
*Cue Horses*
In order to be in relationship with horses, they ask us to be present and embodied. Being embodied means that we are aware and responding to sensory input from our bodies. If you have ever felt the cold shock of putting your feet in a mountain stream or taken in the fragrance of pine trees, this is embodiment. It’s the opposite of living “in our heads”, or over-relying upon analyzing to keep ourselves safe. Now this request for us to be present is probably true of all relationships and not unique to horses; however, the highly sensitive nature of horses, which responds to our most subtle physiological shifts, is unique. Horses communicate energetically and through body language, so when we are not embodied or connected (e.g., living too much in our heads, overanalyzing, or dissociating), they don't feel safe or connected to us. We are essentially a ghost to them – a body with “no one home.” We must first be connected to ourselves before we can find connection with others. Horses respond to our inner experiences and give us “real time” feedback to become aware and practice a different way of showing up. In this way, horses teach us to be present. Babies are similar to this too in the sense that they don’t have verbal language; they need to feel our connected presence to feel safe.
So to sum it all up, connection to ourselves is essential in order for us to experience the fullness of life, as well as to be in relationship with others (whether that be with your infant, significant other, or horses). The next time you find your mind wandering or you are worried about something in the future, take a moment to shift your focus to the here and now. What sensory input is your body taking in? What sights do you see? What do you smell? What do you hear and feel? What physical sensations do you feel in your body? This is the practice of being present and embodied. And then, notice how you show up in relationship. How does being present and embodied affect your interactions with your infant, your partner, or your friends? It’s impossible to be present 100% of the time, but I encourage you to press into those moments that you want to “check out” and allow yourself to experience the fullness of all that life and parenthood has to offer.
If you’d like to know more about partnering with horses throughout the perinatal period, check out my website at www.JourneyTogetherHorseRanch.com
